Different Moods.

Hey. I've decided to take my camera with me today, it's been so long since I last did that. I feel non-productive these days and it makes me feel sad. I worry over materialistic things more than necessary, and definitely not worry enough for the emotional ones. There's too much to worry about in this country, and it's not safe.

So much to write, but I don't want to put this kind of thoughts into words anymore. It makes me depressed.

The school is my home, my safe nest. My dorm is nice, I can take walks if I want to, go swimming, or hit the gym, I don't know. As long as I don't leave school property, I'm fine. It's like this little make-believe stage, we're immune to the outside world. Here, I can pretend like everything is alright. I can give all my time to Physics and not think about anything else if I please.

I can pretend like I live in a different country, to be honest, I do that all the time.

It always had been though, living in Turkey, but for the last 10 years it is literally consuming. Living in a country with one of the shittiest judicial system really does suck. Reading papers, watching TV is worthless, nothing but lies out there. Twitter - Facebook and Instagram is all depressing news, for they have kind of become our true communication sources.

I feel like I'm being selfish. 

I feel like I don't have the right to be unhappy, cause this is all bigger than me.

Well, it is, we're fighting back, and I for one will keep doing it till the very end, but I can't hide how frustrating it is.

I'm angry all the time.

Raging, actually. 

I wake up in a place everyday, where I used to like, now hate.

I don't feel connected to the people around me anymore. Everyone changed. Friendly faces are hard to find, there's nothing but insecurity when you're outside late at night. I'm sick of feeling scared. Sick of what have the people of this country become.

There are also lots and lots of respectable human beings, the ones who fills the squares in every demonstration, the activist, the bright, the clever ones. The ones that read, that appreciate good art, that is respectful of women, and they're the ones that keeps me going. They are the reason why I don't leave, not yet at least.

This is a very depressing one, I know.

I just needed to let it all out.

And it makes me feel good, finally photographing again. Those are the photos of the same tree. No photoshop trick, just different angles. I love how the mood is different in each one.

Take care people, and enjoy your freedom, if you have that in your country.